memories of home

nebraska was good. snow came many a day and filled the wind with lace-like softness: my white christmas dreams fulfilled for the first time in a long while. matt spoke true words that no matter what or where we are during the holidays–some (or a lotta) crazy prevails. i am still wrapping my mind around that fact. there were a few moments that stand out that made the 30 plus hours of driving seem worth just those matter of minutes.

my 3rd sister maddie, after standing on her feet all day at work, sat next to me after dinner as i talked to a friend who was in town. maddie is one that needs to usually recharge after interacting with customers during a shift or a full day of school. instead of disappearing into her room, maddie’s arms lay on my lap as i stroked her beautiful, untamable brown hair that she has had since she was little. the warmth and dimness from lamps in the other room created a homey, soporific comfort. she sat with me for almost an hour, my middle sister–who is now an adult woman. so we sat nestled together–the pressure from her head on my shoulder extending over me in a sort of etherial way. i could have sat there all night.

there were on two or more occasions where visits to matt and i’s room occurred after our parents went to bed–my dad had been working long holiday hours and was exhausted due to other recent events. these nights with our unexpected visitors were the perfect end to a day. the christmas lights on our bed lit the space around our heads; maddie performed dance routines on the new exercise ball; our friend nebraska would pensively sit and drink in the surrounding throng of madness; and rebecca laid next to matt and absurdly demonstrated the strangeness of her feet. it was home.

another memory was of redeemer, our old church. their music is always incredible, especially when the leader’s daughters join her with their instruments and harmonious voices–i always feel like it is a small glimpse of what heaven will be like. there was a friend there who comforted me as i cried about the overwhelmingness of foster care and the 2 and 4 year old we were told about right before leaving for our trip. she was there with me and told me it is SO hard. i think i needed all this trip to process the last months of trying to finish up our foster care licenses, matt’s busyness with school, and then suddenly being told there were two kids available with us leaving in a matter of days for nebraska.

however, it is good to be back in atlanta and saying hello to new friends and faces. who knew atlanta would be such a great city? God is good.

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DPP 2015 begins

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all are free to sign-up and join this years December Photo Project (dpp)!!

still trying trying to figure out a theme for this year or whether or not to only shoot with my camera. we will see–i still have a few more hours.

this semester is coming to a close. it has flown by at such a rapid rate–it is hard to believe the holiday season is here. christmas music is acceptable now. classes and finals are taking tolls on the weary and heavy ladened students they presume upon. matt is beginning his weird hours of studying into the night as i stretch deeper and deeper under blankets in sleep. my presents for nebraska are all wrapped, but for two. i am like that–excited and in anticipation, i make my lists, find, buy, create and dream.

we have our final training this sunday: cpr and first aid. it has been a close to a long journey for our foster-to-adopt license. we had begun to seriously consider it in indiana, but waited till we arrived in georgia to start the process–so as to avoid across-boarder complications. it has taken around 14 or so months for everything to finalize. i am thankful for such a serious process, but the fact that we have been waiting and will continue to wait without any precise answer or end is difficult. some days i get really excited about what children God can bring into our home–other days it seems i am faced with innumerable open doors leading to potential options, but no solid answers.

i have had wonderful friends come alongside us in this journey, sharing, mourning, encouraging. they want me to know i am complete. matt and i are complete in the Lord. God has plans for our future–he wants us to glorify him now and enjoy him–not wait until he blesses in the ways we think we should be blessed. this i know is true. but some days it just takes time to know it.