thankfulness

like all days, we need to be reminded of God’s presence: his power, his love and his sacrifice for our hearts. this morning “in christ alone” brought that message to me. bringing comfort in the knowledge that i have a cornerstone, a comforter and a victorious father.

“In Christ Alone”

Words and Music by Keith Getty & Stuart Townend

In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev’ry sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow’r of Christ in me;
From life’s first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow’r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow’r of Christ I’ll stand.

things have been challenging lately. in a myriad of decisions, i have felt that we should stick with foster care for a while longer–see it out instead of seeking other options to grow our family (i just don’t have the emotional capacity to start anything new right now). it seems that we have finally ironed out some larger details like the difference between foster-to-adopt vs. foster care with our agency and are finally (fingers crossed) making progress in the right direction. i am not sure if we would have gotten this far, if it hadn’t been modeled for us in nebraska by so many families who God led to choose this path, because quite frankly 17 months of paperwork and waiting have been difficult, maddening, etc. (and they say the fostering is the hard part….). to be fair we have received a couple emails about kids–we just didn’t feel we were the right family for them (that is a whole other post).

with that being said, God has been doing great things lately–i just need to take a look around. God brought me a friend lately who would like to start praying together once a week and reading the bible together. i realized this was exactly what my heart needed to be doing: seeking and repenting–giving all of this ache and worry over. it would be nice to see what the end result of all this is going to be, but that is not how God works. he told Abraham his children would be as numerous as the stars in the sky, but not the how.

so for now. i am going to try to focus on thankfulness. let’s start now.  hope y’all had a great holiday weekend.

Advertisements

hums and providence

image

the jankety hum of the printer

makes it’s way through the office.

a gentle heat emits from the machine.

the smell of ink and paper comes as a comfort

declaring the sign of completion–

a time when i can go home.

another week is done.

i sit in the midst of near dusk.

the sounds of traffic picking up:

the beginnings of rush hour.

meanwhile, my heart prays:

Lord, my heart and faith are weak. They lack trust in your providence and your promises. You are hope. You are my heavenly father. You will provide. You have a plan. God forgive me for my lack of trust in your faithfulness and goodness. Help me to rise and call you blessed. Help me to need only your strength and power to walk through what lies ahead.

Amen.

memories of home

nebraska was good. snow came many a day and filled the wind with lace-like softness: my white christmas dreams fulfilled for the first time in a long while. matt spoke true words that no matter what or where we are during the holidays–some (or a lotta) crazy prevails. i am still wrapping my mind around that fact. there were a few moments that stand out that made the 30 plus hours of driving seem worth just those matter of minutes.

my 3rd sister maddie, after standing on her feet all day at work, sat next to me after dinner as i talked to a friend who was in town. maddie is one that needs to usually recharge after interacting with customers during a shift or a full day of school. instead of disappearing into her room, maddie’s arms lay on my lap as i stroked her beautiful, untamable brown hair that she has had since she was little. the warmth and dimness from lamps in the other room created a homey, soporific comfort. she sat with me for almost an hour, my middle sister–who is now an adult woman. so we sat nestled together–the pressure from her head on my shoulder extending over me in a sort of etherial way. i could have sat there all night.

there were on two or more occasions where visits to matt and i’s room occurred after our parents went to bed–my dad had been working long holiday hours and was exhausted due to other recent events. these nights with our unexpected visitors were the perfect end to a day. the christmas lights on our bed lit the space around our heads; maddie performed dance routines on the new exercise ball; our friend nebraska would pensively sit and drink in the surrounding throng of madness; and rebecca laid next to matt and absurdly demonstrated the strangeness of her feet. it was home.

another memory was of redeemer, our old church. their music is always incredible, especially when the leader’s daughters join her with their instruments and harmonious voices–i always feel like it is a small glimpse of what heaven will be like. there was a friend there who comforted me as i cried about the overwhelmingness of foster care and the 2 and 4 year old we were told about right before leaving for our trip. she was there with me and told me it is SO hard. i think i needed all this trip to process the last months of trying to finish up our foster care licenses, matt’s busyness with school, and then suddenly being told there were two kids available with us leaving in a matter of days for nebraska.

however, it is good to be back in atlanta and saying hello to new friends and faces. who knew atlanta would be such a great city? God is good.

The beginning

just received this in the morning’s batch of emails:

We are pleased to inform you that your adoptive family assessment has been officially approved and registered with the DHS Permanency Unit for up to one child of either gender and any race…..

while this is a big step, it is a small one in this journey. praying God will lead and direct our path. show us when to run forward and to take a step back. any and all prayers are welcome. thanks for walking with us.

now, onto the rest of the day. hope y’all have a wonderful and delicious thanksgiving.