i am currently in the process of learning to be alright with being alright.
if that makes sense.
it struck me the other day–as my friends admitted to how hard parenting is–
(and they struggled for years with infertility)–
that sometimes i create these scenarios about how i will react to something because of what we’ve experienced…
their admittance took me aback.
for them to admit that their “dream life” is hard
is pretty monumental and humbling.
yes, we have been struggling with infertility for almost three years–
but i am learning to see and appreciate the time i have with matt.
that it is ok to be happy and not worry about all
the “irons in the fire” as my ma puts it.
that we need to make plans around the unknown–
life cannot be put on a petrified hold because “what if we get the call?!”
God still provides for us.
it is getting easier to consciously see the surrounding provisions His hands have freely given.
and we can’t walk away from that.
there are great and wondrous moments to be had.
time to be spent
with our community, our city–each other.
and that is good.
God is good.
i can and need to be identified as more than our current situation.
however, there will still be hard days when i am angry
and just cry.
but for now, thank you, jesus, for your unending mercy.
You are good.