atlanta

almost unpacked. so many helpful hands. loving the southern people more than i thought i would. taking a moving break from atlanta in the beautiful city of savannah with matt’s cousin. looking forward to settling with matt at our new place. thankful for all the people who worked and drove so many hours for us.

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olympic memorial park

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bare

light outside st. louis museum of art.

light outside st. louis museum of art.

we’ve stripped her down.

past any form of resemblance

her blank form

now bare

standing stoically alone.

her once adornment and warmth

temporarily confined in cardboard piled high

till nothing’s left.

walking past

with blank faces

at the things we call “ours”.

i have not missed them:

our brown packed possessions

hidden inside

awaiting a new place

that we’ll embellish

and call ours.

the things we say we need

want

to fill up a space

we live

and love within.

all to be moved and forgotten.

USS Alabama

i am sitting here tutoring. all our windows are open trying to coax in a breeze. beginnings of packing piles have started to appear in our shadowed living room. matt has started to find boxes around town and we pack them as we find them. one bookcase is near empty with five heavy boxes beside it. who knew how many boxes it took to unload one bookcase?

last week we got back from atlanta. we had been on a vacation with my whole family through alabama and louisiana. while driving between sites, we stopped in mobile to tour the USS Alabama. it was a very solemn journey peering into the bowls of the ship that had gone through many years of wars. the halls and passageways, pictures and flags, guns and ammo, beds and lights, created a sense where only reverence could be felt.

the ship commanded patriotism. demonstrated what men before us endured for our country.

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one of the ship’s crews

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a gun stationed on the deck

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the bottom of the boat, where they loaded the big guns

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deck anchor chains

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more pictures of the crew

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stamps and v-day

assortment of stamps

assortment of stamps

love the look

love the look

wedding invitations

with colorful arrays of stamps

more non-conformists

like my sisters

whose v-day notes were just emailed

thanks to the web

and my too lazy heart.

we have heard back finally

from a school

that is not IU.

i have been hesitant to talk about it

since it is in atlanta

and we do not know

our other choices.

my heart has been still

waiting

waiting

for another letter.

while i was excited for atlanta’s response

happy that they saw

my husband–

our future suddenly

becomes blurred.

the wheel has been taken

from my white-knuckled fists

that were unknowingly clenched.

what streets will i walk tomorrow?

the babies i want–

where will we have them?

or what agencies will

we find to work with?

how long will it take to drive home

to my mom

and my crazy mass of sisters

and my dad?

can we leave a town

we have grown to love?

a church that is just starting to begin?

the faces that have grown

accustomed to my heart?

last night was the first time

someone

upon finding out about atlanta

asked if we accepted.

like there wasn’t another option.

didn’t try to tuck atlanta away

or ask about our options for IU.

it struck me. made me start to think.

push at my heart.

oh, God.

please reveal your path.